Stop Negative Self-Talk Using Blue Dolphin Rule
Did you know on average humans can have up to 60,000 thoughts every day, the majority of which are self-talk? That internal discourse can frequently be very negative for many of us. A little is okay and understandable, but too much can be detrimental to our performance, relationships, and self-esteem. Although there isn’t a switch to entirely turn off negative self-talk, becoming mindful is the most crucial thing that can be done in these situations.
What Is The Blue Dolphin Rule?
You need a blue dolphin to conquer your white bears!
It’s a form of self editing in which you have a “go-to” positive thought (dolphin) that you can focus on right away if a negative thought (bear) enters your mind.
In psychology, the “white bear” problem or the ironic process theory says that attempting to repress some ideas can actually make them more frequent. The concept, which was first proposed by Harvard psychologist Daniel Wegner in the late 1980s, is based on a passage written more than a century ago by the Russian author Fyodor Dostoevsky that reads: “Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you will see that the cursed thing will come to your mind every minute.”
Why do the white bears return so frequently? One portion of your mind does avoid something when you make an effort not to think about it. However, another component periodically monitors it to ensure that it does not surface, ironically bringing it to consciousness. Therefore, if you deliberately try to erase a memory, you actually end up remembering it more in the long run. Because of this, it might be challenging to get over unpleasant memories, experiences, hurt, or mistakes because your mind keeps replaying the unfavorable occurrences in a negative cycle. You find that the thoughts come back to haunt you the more you attempt to suppress them.
How does one select a blue dolphin? It should be such that it absorbs you completely as a replacement thought. It should be something you personally find inspiring, engaging, interesting, and fascinating.
What if white bears reappear in the future? Keep in mind that you won’t be able to prevent your white bears from showing up. However, your blue dolphin will make sure it leaves quickly. Although you can’t stop thoughts from coming into your head, you can choose how long you let them stay there.
What if returning to blue dolphin is challenging? When you struggle to change the voice inside your head, simply bring in another voice which is rooting for you, not against you. That new voice may sound like your mother, your best friend, a therapist, or even your favorite actor. Consciously switch to this more caring voice if you find yourself criticizing or being hard on yourself.
How does the blue dolphin help in gaining control over your emotions and thoughts? Learning how to control your white bears is a crucial component of developing emotional intelligence, the capacity to recognize and manage emotions. Recognizing that while you have no control over the thoughts that enter your mind, you do have power over how long you focus on those thoughts is the first step in taking action.
Can you give an example of using this? A simple example can be, at any time when the thought “Do not get nervous” enters your mind, you instantly inform yourself: “I am so excited. That is going to go nice.” Now, you are harnessing a possible negative–your nervous energy–and remodeling it right into a positive constructive.
Bonus Tips On Using This Rule
- Don’t make “It’s not you, it’s me” your mantra. Take a step back, breathe deeply, and consider the situation objectively before blaming yourself.
- Do some reality testing by asking if there is any evidence to support the negative thought or is it just your interpretation.
- Think of an alternative explanation to counteract the negative thought.
- Don’t filter out positive aspects of the situation. Every success, no matter how big or small, can outweigh the negative once you start to look positively.
- If you find yourself filtering the positives, try to jot down all the things that have gone right recently. You’ll gradually begin to realize that things are not as horrible as they seem.
- Don’t see things only as either good or bad. You’ve got to treat yourself with kindness in instances when you feel you have to be perfect or you’re a total failure.
- You’re allowed to make choices that cater to your needs at the moment. And sometimes, what you view as a mistake can become a lesson or motivation to keep trying.
- When negative thoughts arise, challenge yourself to put a positive spin on them.
- Practicing positivity isn’t about disregarding the unfortunate situation, but instead acknowledging that you will find a way around it.
- Once you’ve identified the negative language you use, come up with a more compassionate alternative.
- If you have any worries or thoughts that you need to address, schedule a time or put it off until later in the day. Allowing yourself to think about topics you wish to avoid in regulated ways will make it less likely for such ideas to resurface at other times.
- Remember, you have no control over the things that come to your mind, but you do have control over how long you dwell on them.
- Practice and consciously notice your self-talk.
TL:DR;
The best technique to get rid of negative, depressing, or unproductive thoughts, also known as white bears, isn’t to try not to think of them but, is to replace them with good thoughts, also known as blue dolphin.
The blue dolphin won’t be the same for everyone; in order to successfully replace the bear, the dolphin must be something that is not only positive but appealing to you individually. Your interest and focus must be captured and maintained.
Combating negative self-talk takes practice. Be kind to yourself! You can’t just completely turn off negative self-talk but get mindful and make thoughts and emotions work for you, instead of against you.
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